No one is safe from unpleasant conversations. Offensive words can sound from the lips of relatives, loved one, work colleagues, friends and completely strangers. Often we are lost and do not know what to say in response.
The psychologist and psychotherapist Zoya Bogdanova tells how to respond to such situations and with dignity.
The boundaries of personal space
Each of us has an inviolable personal space. This concept refers not only to the physical distance, which we allow others, but also to questions regarding only us and no one else. So if you do not want to discuss certain aspects of your life, then without any remorse, you can not do this.
Of course, having chosen this path, you will have to face certain difficulties. Unfortunately, there is a belief that any person can express evaluative judgments, thus showing “care”. People are sure that they can be introduced into someone else’s personal space, evaluate, condemn, neglecting the feelings of others. Behind the mask of care, the desire to hook, to assert himself, to express their own opinion on what is happening is most often hidden.
When unpleasant questions are asked without evil intent
It happens that the interlocutor simply does not understand what he asks an incorrect question. Men are especially sinning this, without thinking that for girls some words can sound insulting. For example:
– And what is your clothing size?
If you are sure that the interlocutor asked you about something without evil intent, explain to him that such questions touch your feelings and are unacceptable to you. Be polite and do not go personal. To the question about the size of clothing, you can answer:
– In general, girls should not ask such questions. You can find out everything much more tactful. You will serve a coat,
look at the tag.
– Early select a wedding dress. Take a time with this!
With systematic “bombardment” unpleasant questions
If a person regularly asks provocative questions, you need to understand what the problems that are hidden in his unconscious are said to him. In fact, the spiteful is tormented by quite definite pain points. For example:
– Why don’t you start children? The watch is ticking!
There can be many reasons for such a question: early pregnancy, infertility, problems in the intimate sphere.
But your task is not to look for the roots of other people’s problems, but to fight back and not allow you to enter your personal territory. You need to return a person to the border that he crossed.